I need to vent. My best friend is out of town, my Mom is always busy on Sunday, and Eric doesn't fully appreciate the emotional pain I am in, so I am going to throw this out there to my sister and sisters-in-law who I know will understand.For some reason my ward (whom I really do love) just doesn't seem to understand me. I knew I was in for a different type of town when I walked in the Target for the first time and not only was I the skinniest person there but I was also the only one not in pajama bottoms. I knew from looking around our ward the first time that most of the women were the wonderful homemaker types that favor one piece dresses and practical brown shoes. It was all fine. It was a welcome breath of fresh air.
The only problem is they don't see me the same way. It started a few months ago when I wore a new pair of shoes and the ward choir had a ten minute discussion about how many pairs of shoes I own, and why it was ridiculous....while I was sitting there at the piano. I felt like the penguins from Madagascar "Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."
Then a woman took me aside to tell me that I was "brave" to own a pair of zebra stripe heels because "I couldn't own a pair of shoes I could only wear with one outfit." I held my tongue and didn't say "Well that shows you lack imagination. I can think of 10 outfits, at least, I can wear with these."
I held my tongue when that same woman told me she wouldn't wear my shoes because she had been raised with different values (they were open toed).
I smiled and laughed when someone told me my beautiful knee high boots "seemed a bit much."
I also held my tongue when a different woman in the ward told me "your shoes are too busy," while I was wearing my metallic snake skin shoes. Well, I am done holding my tongue (and by that I mean the only person in this city that reads my blog is my best friend Melissa and she will commiserate with me because she actually has a sense of style).
Today our Relief Society had a great lesson on addiction. It was based on one of my favorite conference talks and I was loving it, learning and feeling the spirit. I laughed with everyone else about our addictions to chocolate, or tv, or shopping, but I stopped laughing when the teacher, closing up the section on shopping addiction said "I don't really get it. I'm not like Sister Stott and her shopping or shoes..." okay, wait, what? I admit I love shopping and I LOVE shoes, but what in the world. I had to raise my hand and laughingly say (just for the record) that I have never shopped to the detriment of my mortgage payment or kids clothing, or food needs. I know I don't quite fit in, and I know I can be overly sensitive, but am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? How do I deal with all these women who take it on themselves to point out how wrong I am? Arrrggghhh.
12 comments:
Holy flippin' crap!! I think you're brave because you deal with these women, not because you wear zebra shoes! I would probably cry if they said any of those things to me. And they are insane, I remember when I was younger looking at your shoes and thinking they were so beautiful, and I wanted to have beautiful shoes, too.
(And for the record, I have also been told I was "brave" in my fashion, but it was for a sparkly headband, and that annoyed me, too. "Brave" just seems to mean "weird", and I despise anyone who thinks they're getting away with a complisult.)
I think you handled those situations very well, much better than I would. But if they continue, I would probably tell whoever is snubbing me that shoes are something that I enjoy expressing myself with, and I feel put down when I hear comments like that. Something that gives the effect of, "Hey, I'm a nice person, but I'm still calling you out as a jerkface because you're judgemental."
Sorry this is oober long, but it's a subject I feel very passionate about.
Amen!!! I totally agree with Juj.
Argh, I hate people who try to pass off the 'holier than thou art' attitude, especially when they do it by snubbing someone else.
There is nothing wrong with expressing your personality through beautiful things. Some people paint, some sing or write, and some people have a kick awesome collection of shoes. Anything can be an addiction if it's taken too far. Only you and the Lord can judge that. Nicole you are wonderful and beautiful and if they 'successfully' break you of you 'shoe addiction' please remember we wear the same size shoe.
What do they know? You rock those cute shoes! I had to chuckle at the open-toed comment, that was too funny! I wonder what would happen if you wore black lace stockings with the zebra shoes? That's probably something I would do...hard to believe I know :)
No, you are not being overly sensitive. There is never any reason to be mean to someone. Never. And I really cannot believe that woman made you an example, a bad example, in front of the Relief Society. I am SO GLAD you were so brave and said something. I think I would have just started crying and that would have just made them think I was crazy.
You have always had a great sense of style and have always looked beautiful. One of the best days of my life was when I saw you wear a pair of shoes at Aspen Grove that I also owned. That was 2 years ago, I think. I still have the shoes and refer to them as my 'Nicole Shoes'. I have never felt so validated. I always think you look beautiful and wish I was as put together as you are.
Also, it has been my experience that when women are mean it is usually because they are jealous. I just read Julia's comment and I agree with everything she said as well.
On a side note, I love your writing and even though I hate that this is happening to you, I thought the way you wrote about it was great. The 'different values' becuase they were 'open toe' was hilarious. Some people are so crazy! Sometimes it is me that is crazy.
I love it! Last week we had our Visiting teaching seminar. We were all supposed to bring our favorite pair of shoes. The room was decorated with fancy little 4 inch shoes that the stake Relief Society president loves to collect. They were all over the place. They had all the sisters stand who had over 20 pairs of shoes, then remain standing if they had 30, then 40 (and there were still a few standing). (I won't tell you where I fit in b/c it's irrelevant.) Then everyone told a shoe story - why they brought the ones they did - . It was very bonding!
We love you just the way you are! Be true to you!
I'm amazed that you were able to hold your tongue for so long. The fact that the R.S. teacher pointed you out personally as a negative example really takes the cake. People have left the church for criticisms like that....so I'm glad that your testimony is strong enough to withstand the ridicule. Shame on people who treat others poorly. Instead of you having to hold your tongue, they should practice holding theirs. I admire your fashion sense. I certainly wish I had more of it.
I'm coming to visit you. I'm changing my shoes every hour of church AND I'm going to wear a dress that offends them. AND a hat. I have them!
They're bitter because you are slimmer than them and very pretty without trying. You make them look bad, keep up the good work.
Open toed shoes? Really? And to be honest, I'm surprised they didn't call your boots "hooker boots" cuz I've had mine referred to as that!
It's funny that at church where we learn not to judge others, we often feel the most judged.
There is nothing wrong with having a sense of style or liking to wear fashionable shoes. Just like there is nothing wrong with being plain and boring. The only thing wrong is when we judge the other for their choice!
Keep rocking your shoes!
You are so awesome and so are your shoes! Everyone else has already said what I was thinking so I'll leave it at that.
I didn't read anyone's comments really, so maybe I am saying what they said before me. But What?!?! I can see moving to a ward and everyone is super trendy and stylish and showing up in "simple brown shoes wearing your one piece dress" and feeling a little bit uncomfortable. But the opposite!? being THE stylish one shouldn't set you apart like that. I don't understand the comments they made. I'm totally jealous of your shoe collection, maybe they are too.
if I had zebra print shoes, I would totally wear them to church next week in your honor. :)
Wow, Nikki. Just read other comments and agree! So, I will just say: YOU. are amazing and beautiful and have style. YOU. are wonderful, inclusive, and forgiving toward others. YOU. have fantastic shoes, and no one else could fill them. (THEY. can just... well, you get the idea.)
Oh my gosh! Maybe you will be able to laugh about it in 5 years, but when that is your ward family and it's constant, it's not a funny matter!
Think of all the young women who are looking at you realizing they can be stylish and spiritual, pretty and responsible. Forget their moms. They are actually learning from you too.
Post a Comment