Friday, December 20, 2013

Reason 1,000,000 I Love Disney (and it's not theme park related!), or My Crazy Ward Strikes Again

Just to clarify: Will didn't record any of the adult students, plus my songs take a little longer to get through and polish, so I wouldn't have anything to record anyways.  Also, I did teach my kids for over a year, so it's not like they were newbies when they started with Will.

New Stuff:
I had a truly...unusual experience last week, and I wanted to write it down before I head off for Christmas craziness.  I know it sounds hokey, but really it felt truly amazing to me, and I don't want to forget it.

The last 4 months have been hard for me at church.  We had a new family move in, and the wife was put into the leadership position in the organization I work in at church after they had only been there a few weeks.  It seemed like a great thing that we got a strong family and they were willing to be in hard callings.  Over the course of the last 4 months I have found myself dreading going to church more and more because of this woman.

I didn't really think that one person could affect me to the point where I questioned whether I wanted to continue going to church.  I have a very strong testimony of the Gospel.  I have faced harder threats to my testimony and willingness to go to church, and I have come through them all feeling stronger.  I think the difference is they were clear threats, powerful, immediate threats.  This was more gradual and sneaky.

I don't think I need to get into specifics, but lets just say that it came to feel like junior high again very quickly, and I tried very hard to just hide behind my piano and enjoy the calling I love.  Last Sunday she decided that my behavior was such that I deserved to be publicly ignored (for realsies.  Straight up "I can't see or hear you so you don't exist" ignored).  Being the Beesley that I am, I started crying.

She decided that I needed to go in the hall with her and she proceeded to tell me all the things that were wrong with me.  All the ways I am bad, rude, and ineffectual.  Being a Beesley I cried even harder, but being me I didn't take it laying down.  I explained how I had been effected by her, and I left church that day feeling horrible.  I don't know how many people have been reamed out for their personality at church, but it was actually pretty traumatic.

Intellectually I knew the Gospel is true, emotionally I didn't know how I could ever go back.  I spent a good 4 solid days of crying, praying, and talking to those I love, to try and get myself to a point where I felt like I wasn't going to throw up if I walked back in the church.  Nothing seemed to be helping.

On Thursday night the girls had been listening to the Frozen soundtrack and asked if I could play the song "Let it Go" on the piano for them.  We looked up the music, and we took it over to the piano.  My girls started singing with all their hearts, and suddenly in the middle, my heart was touched so deeply that I started crying again, this time from happiness.  The words aren't a perfect match to my situation. I had heard the song several times before that day and was not this affected. It is not that I heard it and went "Wow, that is perfect for what I am going through."  It was honestly just a few key lines that touched my heart through my beautiful girls earnest singing.

 Specifically they were "It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all."  It was a subtle reminder that eventually, with time, it wouldn't hurt so much, and also that I couldn't let that experience rule me.

It was only the second time that has ever happened to me, where I felt a personal message to me, through the Spirit, from a song, but both times have been life changing for me and I will treasure them forever.  I went to Church on Sunday, didn't throw up, and actually had a good time being there.  I am so grateful.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

The Kids First Recital

The kids (and I) have been taking piano from a real piano teacher for the last 4 months and I am truly AMAZED at their progress.  I was lucky enough to stumble on to the worlds best (for my kids) piano teacher.  He works well with Ella's drive and perfectionism, Ethan's shyness and reservedness, and my stress and anxiety.  I don't think there could be a better fit for us.  We are truly blessed to have Will as a teacher!

He really wanted to do a low stress recital for the kids, so he taped them ahead of time.  The kids are all going to get together and watch their performances while eating popcorn and candy.  I always liked the dressing up and performing in front of people, but for Ethan especially, I can see how this would be better for some of the kids. He put the videos up on his blog and gave me permission to repost them here for our friends and family to watch:
Will's Blog: Ethan Stott - Hold On!
Will's Blog: Ella Stott - Coaster Ride