Saturday, January 19, 2013

The Sims

You know that feeling when you are at Menards trying to figure out what part of your falling down house deserves the limited house improvement funds,  your kids are arguing about the proper pronunciation of a Pokemon's name at the top of their lungs, your spouse is looking at you expectantly to make the decision regarding bed side pendant lamps, and you realize if your life was a video game like the Sims you would probably erase that file and start a new game, so you lean over and start to cry/laugh?, me either.

Monday, January 14, 2013

"Let's Get The H@$& Out Of Here!!!"

My family has a little saying based on a church meeting from my parents younger years.  In a Stake Conference (I think) in front of a visiting General Authority a little boy was making a stink and his dad picked him up to carry him out.  As he was being carried out the little boy yelled at the top of his lungs "Let's get the he** out of here!"  We've changed it to "heck" but it still is a great all-purpose comment.

Being a member of the Church has many opportunities to either laugh or be offended.  Since I love to laugh, and being offended takes too much energy, I find myself laughing more and more the smaller our ward gets.

Yesterday we had the (mis)fortune of sitting in the second row right in front of the first counselor's family.  They are a wonderful family, a great addition to the ward, but one of their little girls has some learning/behavior problems and tends to act out in Sacrament meeting.  Our friend, Chad, was giving a talk and this is what happened (paraphrased since I didn't record it for accuracy, dang it):

Chad: If we are feeling unhappy we need to look down deep down into ourselves and find the ways we need to be better...

Girl: "NO, YOU JERK!!!

Chad:(stunned pause) We can do a better job of reading our scriptures...

Girl: NO!!!

Chad: (slighter pause) We can be better about saying our prayers...

Girl: NNOOO!!!!!!

Chad: (trying hard to ignore what is going on) And try to live our lives according to the Gospel...

Girl: NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!

Luckily Chad is a pretty mellow guy and rolled with the "commentary."  Sitting in front of the family we happened to know the little girl was actually screaming at her brother who was trying to take her markers, but for anyone else it may have seemed as though she REALLY did not want to try and live a better life!

Anyone else have any "fun" Church stories?  I always love them!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

El Misterio De Los Pastelitos, or my life sounds more interesting as a Spanish Soap Opera

This last week has had lots of goodies in it.  When I say lots I mean "so much sugar the Kool-Aid Man would look down on us."  We had a friend over on Sunday so I made sweet rolls to start the week off on the right (slightly swollen, diabetic) foot.  Ethan turned 10 on Wednesday so we had treats for scouts, school class, family celebration and his party with friends.  My brain feels fuzzy from the sugar shock.

On Friday I was a little stressed, in a clawing my eyeballs out with my fingernails kind of way.  "We" (Eric declaring over dinner the phrase "I haven't talked to Mom about this...") decided to let Ethan invite 6 friends over for a sleepover.  I was expecting at least 2 to not be able to come.  Nope.  All of them RSVP'd.  I had to clean the play room that had been completely trashed.  The game that we had centered the entire party around still hadn't come in the mail and of course I had physical therapy that morning.

I baked cupcakes for the party, set everything up, and ran off to get the kids from school.  When I got home I found, to my horror, only 12 of the 18 cupcakes I had baked remaining.  In the middle of the counter sat one unwrapped, half eaten cupcake.  So of course I jumped (leaped off a cliff head first) to the following conclusion: A stranger had broken into my house and eaten 6 cupcakes.  I went into a fight or flight adrenaline rush and started herding the kids back into the car to drive to the police station and report the break in.

Now remember all the sugar I had eaten all week, and the fact my meds have another 2 weeks to fully kick in.  After a few tense moments where my kids were looking at me like I had two heads, my eyes alighted on another clue: cupcake wrappers on the floor.  When my the logical part of my brain finally caught up to the crazy side I figured out what happened.

I had moved the couch over so the boys could play more comfortably on the Wii.  Moved it over closer to the counter.  Our little gymnast of a dog climbed on the couch, jumped on the counter and managed to eat 6 of the cupcakes (well 4 1/2 total.  We found some pieces around).  Of course they were chocolate.  6 chocolate cupcakes in a 9 lbs dog.

Eric got to induce, and I got to clean up vomiting in our tiny "treasure."  On the bright-side we didn't have an intruder.  On the down side I did wake up several times totally CONVINCED there really was an intruder who ate the cupcakes, blamed the dog, and was hiding in the storage area waiting to kill us all, or eat the rest of the cupcakes.  Not a restful night, but on the bright-side we were NOT all horribly murdered and the dog felt much better after the mess she made in the shower!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

37 3 30 16 51 11 9 36 81 46 95 75 98 73 70, or A Random Number Generator Named This Post

Livi is a great flyer, but we were hoping she would nap on the plane.  She did...for the last 5 minutes.

My very calm, gentle mother-in-law.

Eric holding Milo, the first cousin on the Stott side. The reason he looks so tiny is because he is!  He was only 2 weeks old!

Ethan won 1,000 tickets with one quarter.  He was thrilled...Ella not so much.

Bailey, the nicest, most neurotic dog in the world.  She has panic attacks when her parents leave.  One of the ways to calm her down is to give her a nice, strong, warm cuddle.  Ella was more than happy to oblige.

Livi "reading" to Lincoln.  She was great at making up the stories and I think he was happy to have someone little pay attention to him.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Family Picture 3.0

Joan really wanted to have a family portrait taken while we were all in California.  It was a great idea, and despite the fact it is impossible to find mustard colored anything in December, let alone mustard little girl clothes, we somehow managed to pull it off.

Our last big family picture has been a source of embarrassment for me.  I was the only adult wearing white, I was placed on the end while using a wide-angle lens, Livi was put on my lap and since we were both wearing white you can't tell where my body ends, AND the photographer spliced (poorly) 2 photos together, but the proportions were different, all of which made me look 400 lbs.  I have gained some weight since having kids, but not that much.  Even Eric's head looked twice as big as his brothers'.

Poor Joan had to deal with a crying daughter-in-law, and awesome person that she is, she asked the photographer to try and splice the photos a little more accurately, which they did, but I still came away looking 250 lbs.
The final product.  Everyone else looks great, except me and Ella's stink face (she was told she couldn't do her "princess pose")
So, needless to say having a photo on the mantle where I look like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man has been a little hard to take, but I understand we had to take the best picture of the most amount of people, so I sucked it up and dealt with it, but I was enthusiastic about replacing it with something a little more flattering.

Really the photos didn't turn out bad, I just thought they could use a little tweaking:
Not bad, but we do look a little like the good vampires on Twilight.
A little change in the highlights, some color manipulation, and a few well placed shadows and we suddenly look more human (and a little thinner!).

Again, not bad, but I seem to have developed a visible aura, and we are all looking a little on the pale side.

Aura gone, more flesh colored skin, and Eric and I are missing the oh-so-lovely double chins.  Win-Win-Win!
Can you even tell a difference?   Are they any better than the originals?  I know some people like the glowy white portraits, but I kind of like the skin tone one.  It only took me a few minutes, and anyways I like the results.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Random Bits of Awesomeness

I know my life is truly wonderful, but sometimes my brain wont let me look at the great parts.  It zooms in on the hard.  Before the vacation, through all the ick, I had some really fun, random moments:
Ella was in charge of Family Home Evening.  She picked Samuel the Lamanite and Ethan was more than willing to help her act it out and provide props.  Kind of an weird FHE all around...

Ethan was in charge of the activity.  He picked the Pokemon card game.  I think Eric's perplexed expression pretty much sums it up.

Livi had a very cute Christmas program (because we can still call it that in Nebraska...they even sing Silent Night and Joy to the World!).  Livi is the first of our children to willingly sit on Santa's lap!

To my horror I realized my kids only experience with Hostess was Cupcakes and Twinkies.  I promptly went out and bought the remaining Snowball and Ho-Ho packet from a gas station so they could experience a little bit of childhood before it was cruelly ripped away...

... so Livi promptly ran over to the trash and spit it out.
A fun video with 3 of my scouts

A VERY rare and a VERY appreciated moment!

I got to help in Ella's class when they were word surgeons.  The cut apart words and combined them into contractions.  She gets the best teachers!
Livi's peanut Baby Jesus.  A PEANUT Baby Jesus!

Ethan's diorama on Native Americans.  I not sure if I love, or am worried about the exploding blood out of the buffalo!

The world's most inadvertently offensive gingerbread men/women.  I learned it is very hard to make a brown that doesn't end up looking like black face.  Cringe
Our Christmas get together with the Bagleys.  Lots of smiles all around.